just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
