i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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