you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
