Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
