i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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