Where did you get a picture of my penis
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
