So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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