So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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