I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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