it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
