At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
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