You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
