I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize