Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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