i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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