I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
