I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
