I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
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