There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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