I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
