omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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