Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Randomize
