Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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