problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
