put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
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