i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize