I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Randomize