I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
