It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
