i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
