she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
