Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
time to smoke my breakfast
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
