Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
