and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jΓ€ger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip πππ
Your skills amaze me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize