So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
