she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
