What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
