A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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