Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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