Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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