but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
