Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
