it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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