Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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