the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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