dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
