The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Randomize
