Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
