I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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