So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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