Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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