Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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