you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize