Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
