Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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