): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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