I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
pray to the hookup gods
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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