Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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