we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
