How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
