Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
