if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
