she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
