I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
