EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
