I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
