Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
