How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
