Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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