is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
